I got chris browned last night
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
