I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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