...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
