If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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