Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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