M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
