She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
