take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
