Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We talked him into tasing himself.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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