finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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