I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
sex in a hospital.. check
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
