Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
