this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
My balls are so social today.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
