Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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