Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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