Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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