My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Randomize
