im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
