i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
