weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
