Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
