shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
