stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
