HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
