The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
