her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It's no shave November. This is our time.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
