spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
