So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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