totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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