I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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