Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
