Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I supernannyed him into submission
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
