Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
