its not stalking. its research.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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