So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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