i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
