you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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