she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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