thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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