After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
