Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
