listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
