I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
