Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
