It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
