Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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