Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
