I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i think i have herpe
just one?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
