I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
