Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
